This is something that I think many women struggle with, even at a young age. I love myself as is now and I am comfortable in my own skin, but that wasn’t always the case. It took me a long time and a lot of tears to get to where I am today.
I didn’t really pay attention to my flaws until I went to junior high school. Of course this is the time where most people get bullied or their “friends” make remarks about their appearance. When I got to sixth grade, puberty hit hard. I was no longer the skinny minnie I once was in elementary school. I started to curve out, but my weight wasn’t shifting to the “right places” as it does when you’re a growing woman. So I was the girl with the wide hips, thick thighs and above average boobs. I wasn’t fat, but I was bigger than the other girls. I started to feel bad about myself because I wanted to be slim like everyone else. There started the self-hate.
All throughout junior high school my weight would fluctuate. I was dancing and going to the gym, but my body type allowed me to gain muscle and bulk up instead of thin out. Finally in eighth grade, I stopped gaining weight and I mellowed out. However, I didn’t have the body of a 13 year old, I had the shape of a 25 year old woman and that carried it’s own problems.
When I got to high school, I fit in more. There were people of all shapes and sizes there and I didn’t feel like I stuck out like a sore thumb. I was content with myself. All of that changed after an unfortunate event that happened in my senior year. After that event, I gained so much weight and I started to dislike myself and my body. The weight gain didn’t stop until I was a junior in college. That’s when I realized that I was unhealthy and I needed to make a change before I ended up dying young.
I turned my life around by going to the gym almost everyday, not eating meat and meal prepping and also surrounding myself with people who were positive and likeminded. So now, I love myself as is and I am learning to love myself more every single day. As for me wishing I was more comfortable in my own skin, of course but that’s going to take time.